5 rules of high-class strip tease by Dita Von Teese

Learned by fashion & beauty editor Galina Goldberg who was very eager to meet her loved one from a business trip

26.11.15, 20:15

Rule 1: “Dance!”

Finally my man is coming back from another diving business trip. Normally I greet him with my signature meat and potato pie, a request for help (such as taking my car to service to change tires for winter) and multiple stories from our Yorkshire terrier Zhora’s life. I confess, the habit of living together for six years takes precedence over romance. And no, it is not a bad thing, it is warm and cozy but I personally started liking it less and less.  So this time I decided to “creatively” reconsider my man’s classic comeback. I decided to go for a light salad with seafood this time (although I did make beshparmak for “later” and for “just in case”), switch requests to silk negligée and long stories – to private dance in the bedroom. And that is how it all started!

After having watched a total of over five hours of Dita Von Teese videos, fragments of her shows and interviews I got the most important part – strip tease is a dance. And that means moving! Always think it through, move accurately and watch every turn. Start with hips… Then slowly touch your hair and neck. Keep an eye contact with your man. Flirt and tease but start from afar. For example, ostentatiously put back an “accidentally” fallen strap of your bra. This dance “for Him” needs to be sensual, slow, in rhythm with muffled music.

Rule 2: “Break it down by notes”

Another weapon used by Dita is deep sighs. Trust me they make hearts pound wildly and not only those of men. Generally gender and sexual preferences don’t matter all that much when it comes to passion for … the art of seduction of course! In short, my heart was beating like crazy, my cheeks were blushing and going pale in admiration as I was watching another burlesque performance of the celebrity. 

And another thing… as I have figured it, as you try to copy the “Dita sigh”, its strength, depth and intonation, you need to practice it in advance - alone. That is to make sure your partner feels like taking action without any delay, and doesn’t run for water and cough drops for you instead. If you follow the pattern of Mademoiselle Von Teese by this moment you should be ready to storm your bastions. However you shouldn’t give in to the first rush of your partner. What you should do is step back and … make a slow full pass around the chair, for example! Bend down to show off your gorgeous cleavage. And your graceful hips. And waist. In short you need to show all of yourself and your clothing in all of its glory. After all, you didn’t spend hours looking for it, choosing, buttoning those hooks and tying ribbons for nothing! 

After bending down run your hand along your leg in fishnet/lace stockings. Put your finger through elastic belt – flirting even more. Sit down on the chair looking into his eyes. And repeat the iconic scene from the “Basic Instinct”. You think that’s all? No, it is just the beginning! 

Rule 3: “Develop your musical taste”

A tune picked well is a third of the entire blood pumping, knocking off your feet, brain tripping and speechless strip tease effect. You hear me, it’s one third! Therefore quickly recall all of the songs he likes for “that” purpose. They can be with or without lyrics. But they must be amazing. And not only to him, but also to yourself. Strip tease is about both of you enjoying the process. Otherwise real passion won’t work. It will be fake. And in such case it is better to not even start. If you are having difficult times picking background music let Google save the day. And our playlist. It only contains the classics of the genre: You Can Leave Your Hat On, Evanescence – Going Under, Feeling Good by Nina Simone, The Silencers by Vikki Carr, A whiter shade of pale – Annie Lenno, Purple Wail – Red Prysock and Deshabillez-Moi by Juliette Greco.

Rule 4: “Fall in love with lace and silk” 

I know beautiful lingerie can break the bank. At the same time it gives you a special sense of confidence in alluring, irreversible and ultimate desirability. Dita believes that you can’t go wrong with black lace set with belt and stockings. It looks elegant and goes with any type of figure. But this is only the base. Strip tease implies getting gradually undressed. Therefore you will need layers to take off. They need to be nearly transparent and weightless. I would say you will need a peignoir, lightweight robe, silk shawl which makes it easy to drape your figure, or a top of the tuxedo as an option. And also pumps with high heels! For bras an undisputed favorite of a burlesque star is a balconette (cups shaped like “balconies”) with straps which spectacularly raise the breast. By the way, in strip tease your breast shouldn’t be overly exposed so that it doesn’t suddenly fall out when you bend. Therefore a properly picked size of a bra is directly proportional to the success of the entire enterprise. 

Wide and strong elastic garters should be left for daily wear. Thin and exquisite, with reliable metal clips – that’s what you need for strip tease. And it is best to buy two types of stockings. First – with strips behind in vintage style – one of the sexiest inventions. Second – regular stocking with elastic band. The ones that never create non-sexy folds or wrinkles.  

Rule 5: “Do it!”

One after another, slowly drop the bra straps. Turn your back to him. Look at him over your shoulder. Now is the time to take off the bra: slowly, throw it to the side with spectacular gesture. Just don’t throw it on a burning candle if you decide to use it to enhance the effect of intimacy. Come closer, and closer. Get close enough for him to sense perfume on your neck.

A beautiful finale is a naked woman in stockings and pumps. Now you can allow him to touch you. And generally allow to… Have a passionate weekend everyone!

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